so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
A bitchslap is in order.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
