found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
