i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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