Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
