I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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