For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
