It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
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scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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