Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
