You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
