I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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