he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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