Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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