a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
