We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Randomize
