i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
sarcasm needs its own font
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
