girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
