yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
