now i know why i became what i already was.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
