i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
