Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
