If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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