My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
