Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
