i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Everclear isn't food dammit
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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