Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
