i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
