just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
