I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
