I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Dicks are not precious.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
