then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
