Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
