just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
