i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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