come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
