hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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