My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
