First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
