just come out here and I will go home with you...
She said her name was "party"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
