I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
