we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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