just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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