but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
