so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
