I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
