How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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