My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
