turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
