For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
