I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I look better un-naked...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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