careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
