and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
