fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
