Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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