she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
