I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
