i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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