dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
