I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
