How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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