Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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