I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
