Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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