I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
