I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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