He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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