She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
