I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I pour the whiskey from now on
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
