was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
