thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
